Every successful person you come across can credit their amount of self-confidence to be key in how they achieved success
But not many take the time to really explain how They have built confidence, or how One can generate confidence over time to help you when you are at a meeting, before an interview, before you make a cold call or face that task you have been putting off for a while heads on.
Discovering a way to generate confidence is one of the most worthwhile pursuits you can have in life, as this can snowball into you becoming a more rounded person in the important areas of your life.
We all have different goals and aspirations and different areas in life where a little bit of confidence is all that is needed to maximize our out put and improve our result.
But the fear of failure or experiences from failure keeps us stuck where we do not want to be.
Every time you are faced with a new challenge do thoughts like this come to mind?
“I don’t think i can do this”
“I do not have enough experience to take on this challenge”
“I cannot talk to that girl she is too beautiful”
“I don’t think i am good enough to do this”
” I am just not good enough”
or in the case of running or starting an online business, thoughts like:
” i do not have enough knowledge on the subject matter”
“i am not an expert”
“I have not used this product, how can i possibly write a review on it”
If you’ve experience any or all of these thought i have good news and bad news for you. You lose a lot by entertaining these thoughts and there is a way to move past this but it all depends on you.
What you lose by not being Confident
The amount of confidence you have or in this case lack, would continually play a major role in defining how good a life you can have.
Why am i going on about confidence? Because until recently i was lacking so much confidence, that even the things i knew how to do well felt like work, the things i excelled at, I was beginning to doubt myself in and i knew if i do not find a fix to this it would most definitely not be the best version of myself and in my quest for personal development i started to do research on the topic.
So I read all i could find on the topic, spoke with mentors and studied people who seem to have this Confidence in abundance and finally whistled down all the lessons i learned. Which i have been following and which you too can follow if you want to improve the quality of your life.
A lack of confidence in your ability limits you in the following ways:
- You are always afraid to stand out even when you are right or have the right information. Low self-confidence makes it harder for you to express yourself thereby limiting your chances to bring your talents up to the surface and get noticed.
- Success and opportunity would always pass you by without your knowledge and others less competent than you would be promoted as only the top of an ice berg gets noticed. So no matter how good you think you are if you do not show it, no one else would notice. this is more like lihting a fire and keeping it under the bed. Useless!
- Your Always start tasks and never finish them and this hurts your ability and willingness to dare new things or to act when new opportunities present themselves. To achieve goals, action is required. However, if you are lacking in confidence, you are deeply trapped by failure, so you do not even dare. Worse still is when this lack of confidence (FEAR)
is interpreted as lack of ability, laziness or passiveness because in truth, You have what it takes when it comes to potential.
- You always avoid trying new things. It could be anything from: Applying for a new/better job, asking for a raise, meeting an attractive new guy/girl, connecting with new friends,connecting with new leads, learning a new skill like online marketing or Branding, etc.
- Lack self-confidence will make it difficult for you to create harmonic and healthy relationships. Even In a relationship, you would always struggle and get hurt easily, even when your partner has no intentions of doing any of those to you. This over-sensitivity causes unnecessary conflicts.
- You find it difficult to enjoy your achievements as you feel you don’t deserve pleasure because you haven’t done enough to justify it.
- Many studies have seen a close correlation between low self-confidence and perfectionism. While this might sound like an advantage it really is not and i know this because i have suffered through this, i still am, but i am getting better at handling this. While perfection is a good thing it really is never achievable. It is advisable to do your best but do not waste so much time trying to do that, you are stuck because that is hat usually happens. Always trying for perfection is a failure of failing and we learn mmore from failure.
- A constant Lack of motivation – if you don’t believe in yourself and your ability to succeed, your motivation levels decrease significantly, because what’s the use of trying if you don’t believe you can get to your goals anyway?
- Low Self Esteem: This is self-explanatory in itself
- Difficulty to accept the help of others. Having others assist you do not indicate a lack of ability. People with high or normal self-confidence understand this and would always seek help when they need it knowing it doesn’t dishonor their own self respect as a combination of knowledge and the experience of others enables you to succeed.
- You’d never reach your goals and that in 100% guaranteed!
If you can relate to any of these, I know exactly how it feels, but you can turn this around.
There are certain things you can work on continually yourself to be able to generate confidence.
THE SEVEN STEPS TO GENERATING SELF CONFIDENCE
These seven steps would help you generate confidence over time when you practice them regularly.
To become confident on a sales call has to be done with practice over time, no one ever just get good at something without constant practice, so reading this is not just enough you need to put in the hard work as well.
So I would be telling you some tactics to turn yourself into a very confident person.
There is a saying that goes “ If you think you can or you think you cannot, you are right” so you need to change that mindset and i am here to help you change that.
These steps follow no particular order but for me this is my own order, My advice to you is pick from these steps what best works for you and continue to grow from there
- Stop resisting the natural seasons of life: There are going to be things you can not control (that is a given). i like to think “it is what it is” in situations like this because you have very limited options – if you can change it you do, if you have to learn from it, then do, if you cannot do any of the above, Ignore the situation completely and let it resolve itself. There is a saying that “All we can do is what we can do” anything outside this is entirely out of your control. you would understand that worrying or obsessing over things beyond your control in counter-productive to generating confidence. An example of how to go with the flow for me was falling sick in a week I had a lot work, appointments and deadlines to meet. I woke up knowing there was no way i was going to do half of what i had planned that day or meet any of the deadlines set for the week, as much as i wanted to will myself to do these tasks I knew it was impossible, I called and rescheduled those i could and those i could do nothing about, well i did nothing about them because “it is what it is”. if something happens and you have an appointment, it would be easier to say it is what is but harder to put that into practice, However, you just have to deal with the consequences and just go with the flow. The Only alternative to this is to become a complete wreck, constantly panicking, anxious and depressed because you really cannot do anything so it is better to say “it is what it is” and move on.
- Ditch negative people This is harder to do than not do. But with time you would not even accept negative people anymore in your life. You would be super confident when you ditch the naysayers in your life. How do you identify these set of people? they always tell YOU what YOU can not do. Any idea you run past them seems impossible and they would always go “You can’t do that” “it is too difficult” not because they have tried it but because they do not want others to do because of THEIR OWN FEARS AND LIMITATIONS which they project unto you. You do not need this sort of people in your life. Negative people can come as Friends, acquaintances or Family. Dealing with the first two set of people be easier than dealing with negative nay saying family members as you cannot choose family. However, you can limit the time spent with family members who say you can not do it. This would boost your confident. One place filled with negativity is social media which is worse than real people and the way to ditch social media negativity is with that trusty “BLOCK BUTTON”. Why do you think it is there???… Use it a lot. Don’t get dragged into fighting small-minded people online who are always negative despite results showing progress. However, if you are the negative one, a good way to be more positive and open to new ideas is by surrounding yourself with people who are more on the positive side. Anyone who makes you doubt yourself is a confidence liability and needs to go.
- Put energy(Passion) in your voice If you do sales call, Videos or Audios, you have to speak clearly and with energy(passion) in your voice, speaking with energy in your voice do not mean you have to shout or put more volume in your voice as that can be misconstrued as you overcompensate and that is not confident at all, Putting Energy in your voice rather means you put a lot of passion into how you speak or communicate your ideas. This is a common trait among confident people. Conversation is a transfer of energy as Motion creates emotion. If you are confident about something, you speak about it more passionately and less passively. Some ways to help train your voice includes singing, practicing deep breaths, jumping jacks and airs squats. All these are cardiovascular exercises which would help you have more energy in your voice. You can do these few exercises before a cold call, before an interview etc and. you are bound to see results if you try this.
- Complement others daily This is a practice that is going to serve you over time and then it becomes a natural thing. When was the last time someone gave you a sincere compliment? Doesn’t happen very often does it, but when they do, You like them. It could be the little things that you can sincerely compliment someone about. It could be very subtle ” I like your Hair” “Your shirt looks nice” Find something to compliment people about SINCERELY. if you cannot wait for someone else, but then again, everyone has a little good in them and when you ditch negative people it becomes easier to see the good in people. Complimenting others sincerely makes them like you back and while not everyone will, having others compliment you in return( a lot of people will) would do wonders for your own confidence. Make it a practice to compliment people every day!
- Exercise Start Doing Something Good for your body daily. When you wake up in the morning and do an exercise even if it is just for 10mins, it helps boost not just your confident but you mood generally. This could be done anytime you are feeling down or low on energy as the popular saying goes ” if you are feeling like crap, you are one workout away from feeling like dynamite”. You can try this exercise from Marc. Of Branding Youniversity which is called “Body Shockology”. It involves using a deck of playing cards where you assign simple exercises to each card. For example, Hearts could represent “squats” and you assign the other cards as you feel. You shuffle them, lay them face down and you pick a card. if you pick an 8 of hearts, you do 7 push ups instantly without thinking about it, then unto the next card, do the associated workout with the assigned number, even if the card says “2” or “A”, you do the exercise twice or one and move to the next card. This gives your body less time to think out the task. you can do it for half the deck or the full deck. This has been helpful to me and i know it would do wonders for you.
- Develop your brain daily This is about reading more, learning more as there is something magical about the brain when you start learning daily. The brain never stops learning. It is a sponge which would continue to grow and expand the more you feed it. you want to be an expert in your field? learn a little something new in your field every day. This new information is bound to help you in grow and become a more rounded individual. I get my daily dose of personal development lessons from brandingyounaija.com and you can get your own blog like that for FREE!. To retain what you learn or re enforce them so it stays with you, you can do the following: Always physically write it down, Do it (Practice), Say it to Yourself and the best way for retention is by teaching what you have learned to others. You won’t learn anything better than after you have taught it.
- Help someone daily This doesn’t have to be big and you may have to get out of your way to do it. But when you help someone, they really remember you. You can Help people through content creation, contacting someone you know and asking if you can help them with anything or better still sharing this post with them so they too can Learn how to generate confidence.
I would appreciate feed backs and would love to hear things you have tried to generate your own self-confidence confidence.